Number Two.....

What do we say.....

I like him but just not sure of the ground rules? At least SP was up front and honest about what our relationship! This one I can't get the sense of it....don't know if he is just a flirt and doesn't want meet or whether he is genuinely just busy! But I need to meet him to get a feel for what he wants from me. One minute he talks all sexy and wants me to send pictures and then he backs off! There is a name for a woman who does that! lol!

Hmm I sense sometimes he is looking for a bf/gf relationship and others I don't Without having met him my heart is starting to get involved where with SP my heart can not and will not be involved.

So come on RK sort that meeting for a drink! ;o)

Doubts!

I am doing my usual of doubting my behaviour! I am over thinking my actions from the weekend and doubting whether RK is really interested. What am I basing this all on? The fact that he didn't chat yesterday - I need to relax the man said he was busy and would ping me just because he didn't do it yesterday doesn't mean a thing! I know his job is demanding and probably couldn't yesterday. So I have got stop my tendency to keep checking up on him and let him contact me! He is gonna think I am a mad woman!

Motto of today is chill no getting worked up cos RK not contacting it will happen :o)

Reconnecting?

Ok I should have written about this yesterday but preoccupied with RK flirting!

Families are lovely but sometimes I wonder why me!! Have a cousin who I don't see that often you know at deaths and marriages only! Anyway we didn't get on that well when we were younger but as we grew up our similarities became our bound - our lives mirrored each other! Lose of mother at a similar age having a step father and brothers - it was uncanning. Anyway she rang me yesterday as it is her dad's 70th birthday party at the weekend and she is actually going to come and I then spent the day counselling her about different family things!

Why me I ask? I am turning into the hub of the family as most of them turn to me about each other and tell me their secrets (I have enough of my own with SP and RK).

Reconnecting it is time for people to do it! Families allow you to leave and return when you are ready to as they should always be there for you. Anyway the endths today's sermon - lol!

Playing with fire.....

As I write this watching 24! Jack/Kiefer is very hot!

Back to the title of the blog......playing with fire!

YES I AM - accepted a pin request and fb request from a random guy before Christmas as he looked cute and was fit cos his photos showed him really into his sports. He pinged me a couple of times over Christmas but I ignored him as I was busy anyway he pings me yesterday and I decided to say hi back as SP was blowing coldish! Anyway need another code name now - RK is suitable! So chatted away to RK who was on a stag do and it was cool and fun he was flirty and eager. He bbms again today and we chat for ages the usual flirting! He wants to kiss and cuddle with me and thinks I am sexy and fit! Wondering who's pics he was looking at on fb! Keeps wanting to take me for a drink and to his flat! I am probably going to say yes as he does live nearer than SP and have his own flat!

Does that make me a slut? Two men at the same time! Well not together as in a threesome but shagging them on different nights without telling them about each other. Neither of them want a relationship and are just out for fun so who is it hurting. Do I feel a bit guilty about SP yes but not cheating on him and he has always said to me if I am shagging some one else other than him that it was cool! Haven't told RK about SP what is there to tell - we are not dating just shagging each other when we need a fuck! The most SP has bought me is a coffee! At least RK is going to take me for drinks and give me champers at his flat! Oh yeah RK also wants to give me massages and share bubble baths with candles lol! Basically wait on me hand and foot and do anything to please me. Also cook for me - the man is either desperate or crap in bed will have to find out!

I am feeling good about myself 2 men who think I am sexy despite my weight! Well I am not a model and both of them younger than me 33 and 31! Maybe life will be rosy just for a while!

Everything is purple today in the purple world! Lol

Over thinking....

Hmmm feeling very philosophical!! Why? Because I am worrying whether I have done the right thing by applying for that new job!!! I have been listening to too many people who are freaking me out! I don't know if I really want it anymore it is starting to sound all too scary and my 'safety blankets' will all have left the company.

Why do I want the job I ask myself -
1. My grade I need to be seen to want more
2. Fretting when new grading structure introduced that I will be down graded
3. Need to be in the know

Why not take the job -
1. Would be happier doing what I am currently
2. Appraisals will be cut-throat
3. Further promotion this is a stepping stone to the next grade

This is all bit too deep for a Wednesday morning on the tube - which is working surprising well. But hey that is me over thinking everything, I need to relax and go with the flow!! ;o) That would be a big personality shift!

Also feeling bit low as SP not bbmed after yesterday so after some reassurance from him! Which I won't get but I knew that before I started the 'non-relationship' and I know he is busy this week!

But hey ho enough for now off to work I go in these changing times which I knew where coming but now are here I am freaking....

No more maths....

Super duper SP has finally passed the maths part of his training! Thank God cos the failing was turning him into very dull boy indeed!!! LOL I knew he would pass today as he was relaxed basically he had decided he was going to quit the AST upgrade on Thursday (his birthday after failing again) so did very little revision over the weekend as he was told on Friday to take the test one last time today and low and behold he passes!!!! Wohoo and a woop woop

So after nearly three months of grumpy, whingey and non chatty SP I finally get the person I like back! Oh and yes I have just been shagged (several times) to an inch of my life and long may it continue as he won't have to revise and can meet me! He banged me hard and think they could hear my screams across London! ;o) his dick was on fire! He had it hitting all the right spots especially from behind when he slammed it into me and pulled it out so he was tickling my clit and christ he kept doing that until I was screaming and dripping wet and then he starts adding the twist as he slamming me! I was well and truly fucked by him, he made me come hard (so did he)! Well he did get (even if I say it myself) some rather spectacular blow jobs.

Absolutely loving this friends with benefits or 'non relationship' ;o)))) (that is a really big big grin as I can't keep it off my face). Well so would you if you had been shagged like I have (especially as it has been 5 1/2 weeks since he banged me last! stupid maths revision)

Ok so nice and fit SP is back and can bbm chat as well!!

That's it for now....

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Blue Moon!

A Blue Moon is a 13th full moon occurring within a given year.
As it turns out, December 31st was the first time in 19 years that we experienced a Blue Moon on New Year’s Eve.
Blue and grey hues surround a full moon.

Yep I saw it but forgot to take a photo.............duh.

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Feelin my inner witch...........

Feeling my inner emotions hence my inner witchiness so just a bit of channeling by words and pictures!

Pagan Celebrations...........

Please correct me if I'm wrong -


1st Feb - Imbolc – start of spring
20th March - Ostara – Spring Equinox, finally more daylight than night
1st May - Beltane – May Day – start of summer
21st June - Litha – Summer Solstice – Midsummer
1st August - Lughnasadh – Lammas – start of harvest
23rd September - Mabon – Autumn Eqinox
1st November - Samhain – Harvest's end
21st December - Yule – Winter Solistice - Midwinter

 
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Good Day

Short and sweet today...........

SP has been in a chatty mood been bbming most of the day!! yay

It's his birthday next week but can't meet - boo hoo

But I have made it clear I am in need of a shag and so is he - so hopefuly will be able to sort something out!! - finally getting desperate

Another reason why I want the snow to go so I can make firm travel plans to meet!

Also have finalised my job application and CV - it looks good even if I say so myself but hey I need to sell myself!

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Snow.......................

Yes I know kids love it but I hate it............................

SNOW

Makes life just too difficult
I can fall over - I know I do that anyway but the chances are higher
I can't get to work - yes I can work from home but everything is just soooo slow
I can't see SP (new code for 'non-relationship') cos in desperate need haven't had a shag since 10th Dec and need one NOW

so here are some pics from today of it looking pretty................................

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Shooting for the stars............ok may be just the sky to start

15091 days old and have managed to achieve 1 of my resolutions and started to work on another!!!

Day 5 of 2010..............

 - blog has been set up and as it is all new and shiney still blogged 2 days in a row
 - I have started to shoot for the stars by applying for a team leader role within the same company. It is a step in getting hold of my career

Let's have a woop woop and a wohoo for me!

Short and sweet today as need to be working on my CV and job application

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Two posts in one day - 2010 Resolutions

Ok I know it is 4 days into twenty ten not two thousand and ten but goodbye noughties and hello teenies here are my resolutions for 2010.

1. Start keeping a diary of my musings again - need a faceless outlet for all those thoughts, ideas and words I have spinning in my head and 'purple' world
2. Facebook more - no I haven't gone mad but I need to keep in better contact with old friends and Fb is the only way
3. Tweet more - so I can find inspiration from others
4. Linkedin more - need to grow my career connections
5. Take more photos - I don't claim to be a photographer and just use a basic Samsung digital camera but I want a better pictorial record of my life
6. Take hold of my career - there are job opportunties out there that I need to explore and aim for. I need to start shooting for the stars
7. Be more honest with my self and others about my 'non relationship' - I know a small part of me is not being totally honest about how I truly feel about 'my friend with benefits'
8. Actually learn how to and use my Blackberry to it's full potential - there is sooo much more I can do with my 'purpleberry' apart from bbming
9. Visit as many of these cities as I can in 2010 - Athens, NYC, Hong Kong and Sydney
10. Loosen up - I need to be less serious when playin' sometimes just need to be more relaxed and less stressed/ocd about things
11. Shop less - I need to do some serious saving this year and the only way I will achieve this is if I shop less
12. Try different Sport & Social events than I usually do - need to expand my cultural activites beyond musicals, ballet and opera

So here's to me achieving all of the above this year!

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15090 days old!!!!!

OK this is the 1st time I have written a blog so here goes……………

Why? - because as 1 of my New Years Resolutions I have decided to keep a diary again I did keep one in my ‘youth’ for a few years so in the age of technology where else do you keep a diary but online hence a1girl44 Musings has been created!

Who is it for? - moi. These posts are my ramblings and thoughts. I will only post when the mood takes me so don't expect a daily agenda of my life. You can read and comment if you want but please be constructive and not rude. This blog is for ME AND NOT YOU.

Who am I? - as the title says I am 15090 days old (you work it out)! Female who lives in Hertfordshire and works in London. What do I do you ask? I am an IT professional that works for a FTSE100 company. The work is not exciting or glamorous but I enjoy it. I am single as my long time partner/husband died 2 years ago of cancer. Yes it was a difficult time and as the cliché says life goes on and this partly why I started writing my musings in a blog. Am I happy now - yes I am as I have dealt and come to terms with losing him - he was the 'love' of my life. I am in a good place now. Am I looking for another relationship? In short NO but never say never! Whoever was my next long term relationship would have to deal with my madness and weird ways. Yes I have 'needs' so I have a 'non-relationship' or 'friend with benefits' that sort those out  - but more musings on that in future posts.

Future? - who knows what that brings but I hope to post about some of the following
Shopping - my passion I am a woman enough said! It is my vice (along with smoking).

NYC - my dream location. If I could live and work anywhere else in world it would have to be in Manhattan.

Music - my soundtrack to life! I am a child of the '70's, a teen of the '80's and a worker of the '90's hence my musical taste explained.
Non-Relationship - my guily secret and pleasure! This is a new experience and so out of character for me having a 'friend with benefits' and I need somewhere faceless to voice my thoughts and feelings.
Purple - my signature colour. I am known as the 'purple princess'

The above is only a snippet of who and what makes me tick! More will be revealed as the more I post!

If someone other than me is reading this then I hope you enjoyed it and gonna read it in the future and please leave constructive comments. If no-one else is reading this then ce la vie! As I wrote earlier I am blogging for me and no one else.

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